Mother Pauline and Patience

I was asked to give a talk about the Fruit of the Spirit: patience. While I’ve abbreviated it, I wanted to share some of the highlights of my prayer and reflection with you.

There are 3 ways that we experience the Fruit of patience in our lives: in our relationships with others, with God, and with ourselves. When we are talking about having patience with God, we are talking about trusting in divine providence. I’m sure that we have all experienced difficulty accepting the reality that God’s time is different from our time. But what a gift it is to be able to accept that God is completely in charge and that in His love for you He will always provide.

I think that we often define patience as peacefully waiting for things to come. But here is the question that came up for me as I was reflecting: Is there an element of patience that is more about the present than the future? Patience is a Fruit of the Spirit, but it is also a virtue. If we are to grow in the virtue of patience and allow this Fruit to be more abundant in our life, what then is the element of patience that we can practice doing right now? I don’t believe that patience is only about waiting. I think that there is another element, an essential element that we can practice in the present moment which helps us to wait. Patience is also about accepting. Here is how I came to this point…

I am a second grade teacher. This is a story about something that happens in my classroom very often. I gather the kids and tell them what we are about to do. I explain the directions. With the kids watching, I go through the directions one by one and create an example. I ask if anyone has any questions. Then, I send them off to get started. Inevitably someone comes up to me and says, “What are we doing?” Can we agree that this situation is best addressed with having patience for the child? But here’s the thing, if we use the definition of patience as waiting, that really doesn’t help this situation. If I were to sit back, wait, and hope that the child figures it out, would that really be the Fruit of the Holy Spirit living in me? No, patience is not merely passively waiting, it is more active than that. I’ve come to realize that patience is just as much about accepting current reality as it is about waiting for things to come.

So back to the classroom. In the time it takes to draw a deep breath, I survey the situation. Perhaps the child just got back from the bathroom. Perhaps this child lacks confidence and just needs a bit of reassurance. Perhaps this child was chatting with a buddy during my explanation. Whatever it may be, it is knowing my students that helps me to accept them where they are as I guide them to where I hope they will go. How can I peacefully hope for something to come unless I first accept the reality of what is happening? I think acceptance is the root of growing in patience in all of our relationships: with others, with God, and with self.

Patience is another lens that we can look through which clarifies our perception of a situation. In community we talk about assuming the pure intention of the other.

What that entails is looking at a situation from a most positive point of view. It is assuming that the other person has none but good intentions. How many times do I catch myself in a sour mood because I’m assuming someone’s ill-intended motives? Many times. But when I take the time to catch myself in this vicious cycle I can normally come to peace by realizing that the other person most likely wasn’t out to hurt me, annoy me, or frustrate me. The thing is that people don’t normally set out to hurt each other. Assuming the pure intention helps me to accept that I don’t know everything and therefore it helps me to be patient.

Earlier I noted that patience is a visible Fruit of the Spirit in our relationships with others, God, and self. Then I focused on having patience with others. I notice that about myself time and time again: I focus so much on being patient with others. Sure that is part of it, but my own weakness is realizing that my impatience with someone else is more deeply rooted in impatience with myself. I want to be patient. Why then is it so illusive at times? When I am having trouble waiting or accepting, it is most likely caused by my being upset that my expectations are not being met. Simply put, my lack of patience is really just me being pouty that I didn’t get my way. So, what work can I do within myself to cultivate this Fruit? I must be patient with myself. I can take an inward survey of my expectations and work to accept my feelings, desires, and limitations. Having done so, I can peacefully wait for it all to play out as God intends in His time.

I believe that God can work wonders with even the smallest desire for His grace. I want to end with a little prayer of Mother Pauline. It is from her retreat journal. She is praying about so much more than patience, but this prayer struck me because she’s telling God of her desire. When I pray this, I ask God to transform my selfish desires into patience, meekness, humility, and love. Mother Pauline is telling God of her desire for holiness. And isn’t that what it is all about. The Holy Spirit is in us. We experience the Fruits of His life in us. The more room we clear within our hearts, the more He can fill it with His Love and His Fruits.