Never Empty, Never Run Dry
On August 26, 2007, as I was gathering the last of my things before leaving my home in Allentown, PA to enter the convent in Mendham, NJ, I received a phone call from my best friend Rachael, now Sister Maria Angeline. She said, “Did you see the article?” “Yes,” I responded. She continued, “My great grandma called me and said, ‘Rachael, I saw the article. It was on page 1.” “Page 1 of the religion section?” she asked. “No page 1.” Yes, that is right. Not only was our entering together such a big deal, but it was apparently big enough to make front page news of the Sunday paper. How on earth did embracing one of the Church’s vocations become front page news? Women and men have been doing it for years. For me, it was simple: God called me, and I responded. Well, at that moment it was simple. There was quite a tumultuous discernment process leading up to a “yes.” I was an energetic teenager. I loved life. Loved to sing and dance. I was homecoming queen and had a scholarship to the University of Notre Dame.
I had plans. Medical school maybe? Yet, something tugged at my heart every time I was with the Sisters. They were so full of love and joy. A characteristic of our congregation I now know as youthful enthusiasm.
I also felt an increasing desire to be love for Christ’s people. In that post 9/11, post Virginia Tech world, I heard God calling me to bring His love. Despite the clarity of this desire, I did what any teenage girl would do… run. What about Notre Dame? What about marriage and a family? I gave all these practical reasons for not becoming a Sister when I truly just wanted to ask, “Can I trust that Christ is enough for me? Can I trust that He will guide and protect me? Can He fulfill all my desires? So, after much prayer and discernment, I answered yes to God’s call. I made my First Profession in 2011, and I currently minister as a nurse in Passaic and am looking forward to making my Final Profession of Vows in August of 2017.
I recently pulled out that infamous article. I had to smile to myself as I read one of my quotes from 8 years ago…fresh out of high school: “We know what we’re sacrificing, but we really have a desire to follow God’s will.” True, we had a vague idea of the sacrifices, but does one ever know what exactly it is they are going to be asked to sacrifice? For those of you who are married, “Did you know exactly what “I do” would have you do??? ….And that, my brothers and sisters in Christ, is where our Lord comes in. Without a relationship with Him, this would not be possible. Without a relationship with Him, our Christian vocations are not possible.
Having entered the convent right out of high school, I like to think that I was not influenced by this culture of non-commitment that we live in, but it is everywhere. When I faced different challenges, or a certain sacrifice was stinging a little more than usual, I would think to myself, “Maybe God isn’t calling me to this.” The desire to flee and go to a place that felt “good”, fleeting as that feeling may have been, was so real. However, “fidelity” kept me here. It is not so much about my fidelity but about the Lord’s. In times of weakness and temptations against fidelity, I experienced his patient, faithful love all the more. He has been faithful in his love and has gifted me with others who have helped me along the way: spiritual directors, my Sisters, friends and family. And, so… I respond in fidelity. I continue to say yes every single day because I know that this is where God has called me.
Like the widow in the today’s First Reading (1 KGS 17:10-16), I was glad and eager to fetch a cupful of water for the thirsty. I have always had a desire to serve the poor. Then the Lord called out, “And bring me your bread too. Bring me everything that sustains you. Give everything to me.” I responded, “Lord, I’m going to starve if I give this to you.” He gently reassured me, saying, “Do not be afraid. The jar of flour shall not go empty, nor the jug of the oil run dry.” So, I did as He said, and I was able to eat for a year….and another year…and another year. Eight years later, the jar of flour has not gone empty, nor the jug of oil run dry. It is in need of stirring up once in a while…but never dry.
Had it been left up to me and my calculations, my flour would have run out a long time ago, and my soul would not be living as it is now. It is Christ who feeds and nourishes me in my vocation and in every day- to-day task. Strengthened by his love, I am able to be love for others. I am able to be love to the sick, the dying, the poor and the lonely. I am not perfect, and I fail many times. But, I try.
Our Mother Foundress Blessed Pauline von Mallinckrodt, wrote “Called and strengthened by God, the Sisters have chosen the vocation of Christian Charity, of mercy!” I ask you to pray for all of us, that we may be faithful to Christ and to those that we minister to. I also ask you to pray for those that are discerning a religious vocation and those that will be called upon to offer encouragement, not only priests and Sisters but mothers, fathers, siblings, uncles, friends…anyone. As we look to the end of the Year of Consecrated Life and the beginning of the Year of Mercy, let us keep each other in prayer as we work as co-workers of mercy.” May the Father who began this work in me…may the Father who began this work in US, bring it to completion through Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.
