What the Backstreet Boys have to do with Jesus
Jesus talks to us in ways that we can relate. Our God isn’t distant- but close and He knows how to speak to our heart. So what do the Backstreet Boys have to do with that?
Tertianship is a period of about 60 days given to a Sister who has not yet made perpetual vows. Until that point, the Sister has promised to live Chastity, Poverty and Obedience for one year at a time. But after six years of renewing those vows annually there comes a point where she needs to say, “God, I am going to live my life for YOU ALONE- FOREVER- within this community.” During Tertianship she enters into an intense period of prayer and discernment. Like any permanent commitment, the thought of giving oneself over to someone FOREVER (in this case, God) can be a little daunting to say the least.
This past summer I was one of those Sisters. The community gave me an outstanding gift of spending the time of retreat in Germany (where our community was founded) and in Rome (where our Sisters have their Generalate or “headquarters”). It was an absolutely amazing time and I loved every minute of it. But it was also a time of deep soul searching. Each day the other participating Sisters and I would have conferences on various topics: the vows, community life, prayer. The hours were filled with silent prayer, reflection, and adoration.
One day in Rome after one of those conferences I went to the chapel to pray before lunch. I was getting frustrated. How can I give myself to God FOREVER? How can I give up my own free will and be open to what HE wants in my life? And how can I take all these beautiful thoughts and practices and actually LIVE them when I know that my life can become so busy and God does not always feel close to me? Is this even possible?
Then suddenly, an old pop beat blared from the street below the open chapel window. My ears perked up and I was shaken from the meanderings of my worries and fears. What song is that? It was none other than the Backstreet Boys- in the middle of Rome!? I started to laugh- but then I listened to the words as they floated through the air-
“You need me- like I need you we can share our dreams comin’ true
I can show you what true love means- just take my hand baby please.
I’ll be the one I’ll be the light where you can run to make it alright
I’ll be the one I’ll be the light where you can run…
I’ll be the one (I’ll be the one) who will make all your sorrows undone.
I’ll be the light – When you feel like there’s nowhere to run
I’ll be the one.
To hold you- and make sure that you’ll be alright.”
What!? Can this be real!? I don’t think I heard that song since 8th grade! I couldn’t believe it- Jesus was talking to me directly- responding at that very second to the doubts and fears I brought before Him- telling me “I’M THE ONE!”
That’s the heart of this religious life. People sometimes ask me, “Why did you become a Sister? Don’t you give up making all of your own decisions? You mean- you can’t get married and have kids?” And those are sacrifices. I struggle with them. But mysteriously, Jesus keeps calling me to Himself. I know in the end He is the One Thing Necessary. It’s the heart of my vocation. I want to give myself completely to God who has loved me into life- I want Him to be THE ONE to hold me and lead me so that I can be ALL HIS with “no strings attached” (Yes, I am quoting N*SYNC in an article about the Backstreet Boys). I don’t want any human love to separate me from God. By living this way, I hope that others can experience the love of God through my faithfulness to Him.
Yes, I believe that Jesus spoke to me that day. And yes, He used the Backstreet Boys to reach my heart and woo me back to Himself. It might sound silly and some people might call it coincidence (but come on- the Backstreet Boys- in Italy?). If we are open, God speaks to us through the ordinary things. He is not far-off - even though at times it might feel that way. Jesus comforted me in that song to let me know that He is there with me through it all. It will be possible to give myself to Him forever, to live this life fully, to be faithful to Him and to serve others joyfully if I only take HIS HAND and TRUST.
